While dialing, clear your throat. If an answering machine picks up, pretend the beep is a big Broadway. This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a.
Technique 68 - The Ho-Hum Caper. Bigshot please? Ask whether she has to attend to it. Technique 70 - Instant Replay. Record all your business conversations and listen to them again. The second or third time, you pick up on significant subtleties you missed the first time. Technique 71 - Munching or Mingling. Politicians want to be eyeball to eyeball and belly to belly with their constituents. Like any big winner well versed in the science of proxemics and spatial relationships, they know any object except their belt.
Therefore they never hold food or drink at a. Come to munch or come to mingle. But do not expect to do both. Like a good politician, chow down before you come.
Politicians always eat before they come to the party. Technique 72 - Rubberneck the Room. When you arrive at the gathering, stop dramatically in the doorway. Then s-l-o-w-l-y survey the situation. Let your eyes travel back and forth like a SWAT team ready in a heartbeat to wipe out anything that moves.
Technique 73 - Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee. The lifelong friend, the love of your life, or the business contact who will transform your future may not be at the party. However, someday, somewhere, he or she will be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big event.
Do not stand around waiting for the moment when that special person approaches you. You make it happen by exploring every face in the room. Technique 74 - Come-Hither Hands. Be a human magnet, not a human repellent. When standing at a gathering, arrange your body in an open position—especially your arms and hands. Use your wrists and palms to say. Technique 75 — Tracking. Refer to them in your conversation like a major news story.
And people love you for recognizing their. Technique 76 - The Business Card Dossier. On the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation: his favorite restaurant, sport, movie, or drink; whom she admires, where she grew up, a high school honor; or maybe a joke he told. In your next communication, toss off a reference to the favorite restaurant, sport, movie, drink, hometown,high school honor.
Or reprieve the laugh over the great joke. Technique 77 - Eyeball Selling. Then plan your pitch and your pace accordingly. Cool communicators allow their friends, associates, acquaintances, and loved ones the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological functions. They obviously ignore raspberries and all other signs of human frailty in their fellow mortals.
Technique 79 - Lend a Helping Tongue. Give everyone time to dote on the little darling, give their dinner order, or pick up the jagged pieces of china. Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favor, divulge the respective benefits.
If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox. Whenever a friend agrees to a favor, allow your generous buddy time to relish the joy of his or her.
How long? At least twenty-four hours. Technique 82 - Tit for Wait. Wait Tat. Technique 83 - Parties Are for Pratter. There are three sacred safe havens in the human jungle where even the toughest tiger knows he must not attack. The first of these is parties. Parties are for pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations.
Big players, even when standing next to their enemies at the buffet table, smile and nod. They leave tough talk for tougher settings. The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners is the dining table.
Breaking bread together is a time when they bring up no unpleasant matters. They can free associate and come up with new ideas. But no tough business. Technique 85 - Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat. Keep the melody of your mistaken meeting sweet and light. Otherwise, it could turn into your swan song with Big Winner. Technique 86 - Empty Their Tanks. If you need information, let people have their entire say first.
Wait patiently until their needle is on empty and the last drop drips out and splashes on the cement. Technique 87 - Echo the Emo. Facts speak. To soften the edge you can still look at the speaker most of the times but go back to the target when the speaker has just finished a point. My Note: this is a very good technique and will make your whole body language follow naturally.
Visualize and imagine yourself as a very important person. That way all your verbals will fall into place automatically. If a convo is dying and you want to let it continue without much effort, repeat their last words. To get a new acquaintance talking, ask about her day, preferably about the last h.
Let them finish first instead, and the longer you wait to share your commonality, the more impressive it will sound. I say it depends. If you want to sound excited or go along with an overly excited mood, jump in. If you want to seem calmer and more powerful, wait. PIck up on something -thought, phrase or also a single word- the speaker said. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
Sign in Join. Sign in. Log into your account. Sign up. Password recovery. A mere few dozen wonderful words will give everyone the impression that you have an original and creative mind. Acquiring this super vocabulary is easy.
All you need to do is think of a few tired, overworked words you use every day—words like smart, nice, pretty, or good. Then grab a thesaurus or book of synonyms off the shelf. Look up that common word even you are bored hearing yourself utter every day. Examine your long list of alternatives. Some words are colorful and rich like ingenious, resourceful, adroit, shrewd, and many more.
Run down the list and say each out loud. Which ones seem right for you? Try each on like a suit of clothes to see which feel comfortable. Choose a few favorites and practice saying them aloud until they become a natural staple of your vocabulary. Gentlemen, when your wife comes down the staircase all dolled up for a night out, or you pick a lady up for dinner, what do you say? I saw Gary a month or so later. Then I bring up one woman and several men. I ask each to pretend he is her husband.
She has just come down the stairs ready to go out to din- ner. I ask each to take her hand and deliver his compliment. Pay attention men! Words work on us women. Everybody says that. Tell them it was a splendid party, a superb party, an extraordinary party. Yet you have no trouble with the word wonderful.
Vocabulary is all a matter of familiarity. Technique 26 Your Personal Thesaurus Look up some common words you use every day in the thesaurus. If you like them, start making permanent replacements.
Similarity breeds attraction. But in the human jungle, big cats know a secret. When you delay revealing your similarity, or let them discover it, it has much more punch. Let him go on analyzing the golf swing of Arnold Palmer before you start casually com- paring the swings of golf greats Greg, Jack, Tiger, and Arnie. Several years ago, I was telling a new acquaintance how much I love to ski. I raved about the various resorts. I analyzed the various conditions.
However, waiting until the end of our conver- sation—and then revealing he was such an avid skier that he kept an Aspen ski pad—made it unforgettable.
Then, when the time is right, casu- ally mention you share their interest. Finally the moment presented itself at a convention. A new contact began telling me about her recent trip to Washington, D. She had no idea that Washington was where I grew up. Momentarily I forgot I was keeping my mouth shut to practice my new technique.
I asked her where she stayed, where she dined, and if she had a chance to get into any of the beautiful Maryland or Virginia sub- urbs.
I must have been boring you. When someone starts telling you about an activity he has done, a trip she has made, a club he belongs to, an interest she has—anything that you share—bite your tongue. Let the teller relish his or her own monologue. Relax and enjoy it, too, secretly knowing how much pleasure your conversation partner will have when you reveal you share the same experience. Then, when the moment is ripe, casually disclose your similarity. And be sure to mention how much you enjoyed hearing about his or her shared interest.
Now that I have your attention. That word is YOU. Why is you such a powerful word? Because when we were infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. The rest of the shadowy forms stirring about us which we later learned were other people existed solely for what they could do for us. Will you join me there for dinner tonight? However, will I like it? You probably take her hesitation personally, and the joy of the exchange diminishes.
Will you join me there this evening for dinner? Psy- chologists tell us everyone automatically gravitates toward that which is pleasurable and pulls away from that which is painful. For many people, thinking is painful. So big winners when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by, sell to people, or get them to go to dinner do the thinking for them.
Suppose you want to take a long weekend. You decide to ask your boss if you can take Friday off. Which request do you think he or she is going to react to more positively? And you know how some bosses hate to think! Your new wording made managing without you a matter of pride for Boss. Gen- tlemen, say a lady likes your suit. Which woman gives you warmer feelings? Once, driving around San Francisco hope- lessly lost, I asked people walking along the sidewalk how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge.
I stopped a couple trudging up a hill. Still lost, I called out to the next couple I encountered. You see, by phrasing the question that way, it was a subtle challenge. They walked over to my car and gave me explicit instructions. I kept asking passersby my three forms of the question. Eve did not ask Adam to eat the apple. She did not command him to eat the apple. Comm-YOU-nication Is a Sign of Sanity Therapists calculate inmates of mental institutions say I and me twelve times more often than residents of the outside world.
Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners. The next technique concerns a way big winners are silently you-oriented. Whether she is engulfed in a wedding gown or partially clad in a bikini, her face sports the same plastic smile. One passenger with a radiant smile started shaking hands down our line. It was as though a brilliant light had illuminated the dim ballroom. Out of the cor- ner of my eye, I saw his identical glistening grin.
A third person, the same grin. My interest began to dwindle. When he gave his fourth indistinguishable smile to the next person, he started to resemble a Cheshire cat.
I had no fur- ther interest in talking with him. Obviously, he gave the same smile to everybody and, by that, it lost all its specialness. If Strobe Man had given each of us a slightly different smile, he would have appeared sensitive and insightful. And before taking aim, you would carefully consider whether it would murder, maim, or merely wound your target.
Since your smile is one of your biggest communications weapons, learn all about the moving parts and the effect on your target. Discover the subtle differences in your repertoire. When meeting groups of people, grace each with a distinct smile. In Defense of the Quickie There are times, I discovered, when the quick put-on smile works.
For example, when you want to engineer the acquaintance of someone to whom you have not had the opportunity to be intro- duced. To prove their hypothesis, female researchers made eye contact with unsuspecting male subjects enjoying a little libation in a local drinking establishment.
Sometimes, the female researchers fol- lowed their glance with a smile. In other cases, no smile. Big winners silently moan when they hear someone mouth a trite overworn phrase. Like the rest of humanity, they consider some of their acquaintances crazy as a loon, nutty as a fruitcake, or blind as a bat. Because many of them work hard, many of them are as busy as a bee and get rich as Croesus. Yet would any of them describe themselves in those words? Not even when hell freezes over?
Not unless you want to sound dumb as a doorknob. It is, but the tongue is even mightier than the pen. Our tongues can bring crowds to laughter, to tears, and often to their feet in shouting appreciation. Orators have moved nations to war or brought lost souls to God. And what is their equipment? The same eyes, ears, hands, legs, arms, and vocal chords you and I have. Perhaps a professional athlete has a stronger body or a profes- sional singer is blessed with a more beautiful singing voice than the one we were doled out.
But the professional speaker starts out with the same equipment we all have. The difference is, these jaw- smiths use it all.
They employ many different tones of voice, they invoke various expressions, they vary the speed with which they speak. Get a book or two on public speaking and learn some of the tricks of the trade.
Then put some of that drama into your everyday conversation. A Gem for Every Occasion If stirring words help make your point, ponder the impact of pow- erful phrases. If George H. As every politician and trial lawyer knows, neat phrases make powerful weapons. One of my favorite speakers is a radio broadcaster named Barry Farber who brightens up late-night radio with sparkling sim- iles.
Farber, how do you come up with these phrases? He then candidly admitted, although some of his phrases are original, many are borrowed. Call me Elvis.
All professional speakers do. They collect bon mots they can use in a variety of situations— most especially to scrape egg off their faces when something unex- pected happens.
I brushed my teeth this morning. You can do the same. Look through books of similes to enrich your day-to-day con- versations. Try to make your similes relate to the situation. Later I saw a similar quote in a humor book attributed to Jackie Mason, the comedian.
So what? The exec still came across as a cool communicator with his clever comment. Big players who want to be quoted in the media lie awake at night gnawing the pillow trying to come up with phrases the press will pick up. He told me his original title was Pretty Stories.
How far would that have gone? I learned this the hard way during my cruise ship days. Let me count the ways. The passengers loved it and raved for days. Find a few bon mots to let casually slide off your tongue on chosen occasions.
If you want to be notable, dream up a crazy quotable. Passengers avoided me on the deck for the rest of the cruise. One of the most blatant is euphemisms.
They call a spade a spade. Little cats hide behind bathroom tissue. When they Copyright by Leil Lowndes. If a big cat is ever in doubt about a word, he or she simply resorts to French.
If they feel the word buttocks is debatable, der- riere will do quite nicely, thank you. Call a spade a spade. The evening started with cocktails, followed by a gourmet meal accompanied by a selection of excellent wines.
And very plen- tiful. At the end of the evening, Louis raised his glass to make a toast. A few wine droplets sloshed out of his glass onto the tablecloth. Everyone froze.
The host was indeed a bit inebriated. However, alluding to Louis being a little looped, even in jest, was as though the woman had suddenly smashed the crystal chandelier above the table with her dinner plate. No one in the company of Louis and Lillian could ever feel any pain. Except Bob. He Copyright by Leil Lowndes. The next sure sign of a little cathood is teasing. You are inferior! Hardy har har.
Nevertheless, the big cats will have the last one. However, if the exhausted runner had the misfortune to bring the pharaoh unhappy news, his head was chopped off. Once a friend and I packed up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for an outing. Not for his gloomy weather report, for his smile.
Several months ago I was racing to catch a bus. Everyone must give bad Copyright by Leil Lowndes. A doctor advising a patient she needs an opera- tion does it with compassion. Grief coun- selors at airports after fatal crashes share the grief-stricken senti- ment of relatives. Big winners know, when delivering any bad news, they should share the sentiment of the receiver.
Unfortunately, many people are not aware of this sensitivity. When you had your heart set on the roast beef, has your waiter merrily warbled that he just served the last piece?
When you needed cash for the weekend, has your bank teller gleefully told you your account is overdrawn? A pro throws the ball with the receiver always in mind. Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind. Then deliver it with a smile, a sigh, or a sob. Not according to how you feel about the news, but how the receiver will take it. Had my neighbor told me of the impending rainstorm with sympathy, I would have appreciated his warning. Big winners know how to give bad news to people.
They also know how not to give any news to anyone, even when people are pressuring them. They suffered a long and messy divorce that resulted in them keeping the business jointly but not having to deal with each other. Soon after the divorce, I was at an industry convention with Barbara. Since she and Frank were both beloved in the industry, people were curious about what had happened and how it affected their company.
But, of course, no one dared ask outright. And Bar- bara was offering no explanations. I was seated next to Barbara at the gala farewell dinner. Technique 35 The Broken Record Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response.
Use precisely the same words in precisely the same tone of voice. Hearing it again usually quiets them down. You look over at the next table, and who do you see? Is it really he? Could it possibly be? It really is. Woody Allen. Substitute any celebrity here: your favorite movie star, politician, broadcaster, boss who owns the company that owns the company you work for. What should you do? Let the luminary enjoy a brief moment of anonymity.
If he or she should cast a glance in your direction, give a smile and a nod. Then waft your gaze back to your dining companion. You will be a lot cooler in the eyes of your dinner partner if you take it all in your stride. Wait until you or the luminary are leaving the restaurant. After the check has been paid and you will obviously not be taking much of his or her time, you may make your approach.